Busting Through The Fear
The Story of a 24-Hour Run
Peering out at the monstrous waves crashing on the vast sand of the Oregon Coast, I couldn’t help but think “Why not?” For years, my family and I had visited the Oregon Coast for day trips and the occasional overnight stay. However, whether it was the middle of winter or summer, I never went in the water. Why was that? Perhaps it was the fact that the Pacific Ocean maintained a constant frigid temperature of 50 degrees Fahrenheit, an invitation that many declined. The only people I’d ever seen take a plunge in the grand Pacific were boogey boarders in full wet suits and snorkeling gear. The standard visitor traveled to the coast for a walk on the beach or a nice view, not for a day of swimming.
However, as I sat on a porch, staring out at the tumultuous waves on that sunny December day, I continued to pose the question to myself, “Why not?” What was stopping me from taking a quick dive? Inability? Discomfort? Fear? In a heartbeat, I knew that it was fear. Fear of the uncomfortableness of the situation. At that moment, I made a decision. I was going in the water. I was going to live my life out of love not out of fear. Fear was not making any decision for me. This was my life. Love, compassion, and hope were in the driver’s seat.
Leaping from my chair, I grabbed a green beach towel, threw off my shirt, and tip-toed down the steep rocks into the sand. It was time. 10+ years of living in Oregon and I had never taken a full-on plunge in the freezing Pacific. Today was the day. Dropping my towel onto the sand, I took off for the freezing surf, the wind wrapping my entire body in a layer of cold air. As soon as my feet hit the water, one thought entered my mind: — “It’s time.” Wading out knee deep, I plunged my entire body into the ocean. The water felt like an electric shock to my entire system. However, when I hopped up, my body a numb mess of red skin and shivering bones, I felt incredible. A surge of adrenaline hit my veins. I had conquered the fear. I had done it. For the next five minutes, I took off running down the sand, my shirt waving behind me like a superhero cape. I couldn’t feel the cold. I forgot it was December. I felt like I was flying. This was the moment of inspiration for my 24-hour run, an event that would equally bust through fear and challenge me both mentally and physically.
That night, as I stared out of my bedroom window upon the surf moving towards the moonlit sand, I reflected upon the day. Taking on a new challenge. Busting through fear. Feeling elated and unstoppable. Again, I realized that fear was the only thing stopping me from plunging into the ocean that morning. Dang old fear. What other things in my life did I want to accomplish, but was letting fear hold me back from starting? That’s when I thought about a 24-hour run. One of my friends had taken on this challenge back in May to raise money for COVID-19 relief. When I first heard about it six months ago, I thought it was the coolest, most sensational, and courageous thing I had ever heard. It wasn’t the fact that she raised several thousand dollars or ran over 60 miles, it was the fact that she started. The courage to take on something so mentally and physically daunting was remarkable to me! However, as I began to think about taking on my own 24-hour run, fear crept in. Fear of injury. Fear of running at night. Fear of permanently damaging my body after three hip surgeries. However, as I sat quietly and let the fear pass, I realized that my heart was ablaze. This was something I wanted to undertake. Wow.
“Sometimes, all it takes is one person to show you that it’s possible to bust through the fears and challenges of life. Inspiration is an abundant source of hope in our world.”
That very night, I began to think through the logistics of my run. With my birthday in a month, what if I took on a 24-hour run to raise money for an organization and bust through more fear? That sounded like an epic way to spend a birthday! Not only would it allow me to take on a new challenge, conquer more fear, and raise awareness for a cause, but perhaps it would inspire other people to face their own fears and challenges with a renewed sense of strength. Sometimes, all it takes is one person to show you that it’s possible to bust through the fears and challenges of life. Inspiration is an abundant source of hope in our world. 11:30pm on December 27th was when I decided that I was going to take on this challenge. I was going to attack this event. It was time to bust through my fear.
Fast forward ahead one month, a time of preparation, advocacy, and incredible excitement. Throughout the previous four weeks, I had begun mapping out a local route on flat roads and trails, talking over the phone with ultra-marathoners and experienced runners, beginning a training regimen of long morning hikes and squat-focused lower body workouts, constructing a long list of food and other supplies for the big day, and sharing the news and fundraiser with family and friends. I was hyped. Whether it was creating the Go-Fund-Me fundraiser at 3am on New Year’s Day or hiking with a headlamp in the early morning of the Portland darkness, I couldn’t wait for the actual run. Throughout the process of preparing for 24 hours of running, walking, and hiking, I didn’t feel any fear or doubt. By turning the run into a tangible event that could be expressed through the fundraiser, workouts, and conversations, I was no longer scared of the adventure. I was excited beyond measure.
As the weeks progressed and I prepared for this endeavor, I witnessed remarkable kindness, compassion, and love in the form of prayers, encouragement, and financial donations. I could not believe that so many people were willing to support Blanchet House and the Portland homeless community in a time in which so many individuals desperately needed the help. For months as my Dad and volunteered at Blanchet, we served meals and created friendships with this community in downtown Portland. We witnessed extreme challenges. We saw the intense struggles. We realized that in a global pandemic, homeless communities around the world could easily be forgotten. As the incredible support continued, I felt a sense of awe and gratitude for the overwhelming generosity towards this community.
On the night of January 19th, my Dad approached me with a proposal. He had been looking ahead at the weather for the next week and saw that we might receive snow and ice on January 30th, the day I had scheduled the run. He suggested that we move up the run a week due to inclement weather conditions and out of respect for my body. After sleeping on the decision, I decided to go ahead and move the run up one week. Even though the actual event wouldn’t take place on my birthday, I realized that it was much smarter to take on the challenge safely as opposed to forcing anything. I felt ready. My hips were incredibly strong. It was time to put my body and mind to the test. It was time to bust through some fear.
On Friday, January 22nd at 6am, I began my 24-hour adventure. Beginning from my house in the rolling hills of Portland, I ran the first hour in pitch-black darkness with a single headlamp to guide my way. As I ran, I listened to a fantastic “Hidden Brain” podcast on the science of gratitude, my legs powerfully churning up the initial giant hill and onto the flat road that I would traverse for the next hour over to the Nike World Headquarters. I was elated. The beautiful sun was rising in the next thirty minutes and I was going to be moving for the next 24 hours. Let’s go!
Over the course of the morning, I ran and walked along wood-chip trails, parking lot white lines, four-way intersections, the beautiful Nike campus, and a host of other local flat trails. Besides the occasional check-in with my Dad, who had parked a car at a nearby grocery store as our “home base,” I traversed wherever I wanted whenever I wanted. With my blue Nike backpack filled with crystal-clear water, juicy apple slices, yellow delicata squash, and homemade granola, I was prepared for anything. The first six hours of the run consisted of calls with friends, reflection with the Universe, and laughter with my Dad. My hips felt strong and I felt incredibly grateful. Things were going according to plan.
As the six-hour mark approached, I hit a wall. The longest hike I had previously undertaken was seven hours. Even though my lower body felt strong, I was struggling with my energy levels. It was time to shift my game plan. As I began to think about how I could take my mind off everything, I began an experiment. What if I tried some memorization? I had always wanted to memorize the Presidents of the United States. What if I attempted this challenge? Over the next forty minutes, I put my newfound passion and knowledge for memory palaces to work as I committed the 46 Presidents to memory. I was ecstatic. As a result of this sense of accomplishment, I felt more energetic than I had all day. Meeting up with my brother to walk for an hour that afternoon, I couldn’t help but smile with delight at the unexpected turn of events.
The giant energy boost powered me for the next nine hours. Over the course of that beautiful afternoon, I walked with my brother and my Mom, was surprised by two friends who showed up with snacks, scarfed down a delicious pizza, and began committing the US Capitals to memory. It wasn’t until 11pm, 17 hours in, that I finally felt physical strain for the first time. As I trekked across the barren sidewalks in the gentle shadows of the street lamps, the upper part of my right calf tightened up, making walking quite difficult. However, just like earlier in the day, I distracted my mind with more phone calls, memorization, and music. Nothing was going to stop me. As the night wore thin and the streets became a barren ghost-town, I began to feel incredibly grateful for the fact that I was blessed with the gift of shelter every night. At 3am on any given night, most people are asleep and resting their bodies for the next day. However, the homeless communities of our world don’t possess that luxury.
Fast-forward two hours to 5am. The final hour was here. With one hour to go and 58 miles down, I was motived to hit 60. The day before, I set a goal of moving 50 miles. I thought that a goal would help me push forward, especially when the moments became tough. At 5am on the morning of Saturday, January 23rd, I had surpassed the 50-mile mark. It was time for 60. Walking that last hour in a lit parking lot next to the tennis center where I played 50+ matches during my junior tennis career, I was joined by a high school friend, the very individual who took on her own 24-hour challenge last May. What a gift! When 6am appeared and the 24-hour challenge was finally over, I didn’t raise my arms in celebration or feel a sense of relief. I simply felt like eating a snack and going to bed. However, an immense sense of gratitude flowed through my entire body.
As I’ve processed the run and reflected back on this remarkable experience since finishing, I haven’t experienced an “Aha” moment or “mountain-top” high. I’ve simply continued to experience gratitude. Gratitude for my health. Gratitude for my strong hips. Gratitude for all the support. Gratitude for human compassion, kindness, and hope. And above all — gratitude that I was given the courage to embark upon a challenge that initially scared me. Gratitude that I was given the confidence to choose love over fear. Because — this is a choice that each of us are given every day. We can choose whether to face our fears or live a life controlled by them. We get to choose whether to act out of fear or love.
“At the end of the day, it’s not about us. It’s not about me. And it’s not about you. It’s about making this world a better place. Leaving it a little bit more hopeful, loving, and compassionate than when we arrived on this Earth in the first place.”
Fear is a part of life. It’s a part of being human. It’s something that will forever arise in our mind. However, we don’t have to give in to fear. We can choose to objectively view it while not acting upon it. What if I had never plunged into the freezing cold Pacific Ocean? What if I had never decided to take on the run in the first place? What if I had allowed fear to swallow up my desire to use my birthday as an opportunity to inspire others? What if I decided that my hips were too frail? Or that I wasn’t qualified or athletic enough to move for 24 hours? Think about your own life. What fears do you have? And what are those fears stopping you from doing?
At the end of the day, it’s not about us. It’s not about me. And it’s not about you. It’s about making this world a better place. Leaving it a little bit more hopeful, loving, and compassionate than when we arrived on this Earth in the first place. Think about all those things fear is trying to stop you from doing that could make this world a better place. When you realize that your impact is so much more powerful than the fear inside your head, there is absolutely no amount of fear that will ever stop you. Bust through your fear. I dare you.
